The Mommy Wars Continue

Back in July, I blogged on Linda Hirschman's argument that educated women are doing more harm to society by staying home with their children, than they're doing good. Today, Hirschman is back in the spotlight with the release of her book, Get to Work: A Manifesto for the Women of the World. Both Al Mohler and Candice Watters have tackled Hirschman's past, as well as more recent, comments.

For those of us who Hirschman is comparing to what Mohler said are the "'untouchables' of India -- a caste consigned to sweep bodily wastes and care for the bodily needs of others," her views can be infuriating. However, as I posted in a comment on the Boundless Line, at the same time I'm angered by her statements, I feel bad for her. It's sad that she, as a mother herself, so misunderstands and misses the joy that can be found in motherhood.

I love what Shannon Popkin in her article "The Significance of Dog Hair and Trash Cans" (in this month's issue of Focus on the Family magazine) wrote concerning these "menial" tasks Hirschman thinks are below educated women.

According to God's standards for achievement, the last shall be first, and being great requires learning to be a servant of all. As the Father sifts our accomplishments, He assigns the most value to serving. This tells me that an office with mahogany furniture and a personal assistant is not the only setting for great accomplishments. In fact, caring for small children in the home provides incredible opportunity for advancement. Sticky messes and smelly garbage cans aren't detours and roadblocks; they are God's highway of significance.

She goes on to say, "Pleasing the Lord wouldn't be enhanced by bringing home a paycheck or having a title before my name. I have just as many opportunities to please Him within the four walls of my family room as I would in a corner office. As I wipe a little bottom, I have the same wherewithal to gain the Lord's favor as does a top strategist for Pampers. Tying little shoes, reading picture books and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches grant me just as much potential to hear, 'Well done, good and faithful servant' as I would if I performed brain surgery."

May stay-at-home moms under fire for this choice find encouragement.

The Great Barbie Debate

A few days ago I found myself observing my oldest daughter play with her Fisher-Price Learning House. She rang the doorbell, changed the stations on the radio, opened and closed the door, and checked the rain gutter for itsy bitsy spiders. At one point she even used her toy screwdriver to fix all the screws on the house. Watching her I realized that she was practicing and indeed preparing for the realities of life. I was reminded of my own childhood play and one of my then favorite toys: Barbie.

Over the years a great debate has occured regarding this popular toy by Mattel. Much ado has been focused on her unrealistic body proportions and her flawless appearance. Arguments range from the damaging affects Barbie has on the self-image of impressionable little girls to Barbie being a a negative role model in the area of goals and aspirations.

As a young girl, playing with Barbie was one of my favorite pastimes. I was unaware of her unmentionable identity prior to Mattel's purchase of her rights and subsequent makeover. I simply enjoyed pretending to be grown up when I played.

For me, Barbie provided an opportunity to establish a home, create a family, and interact with a community. Each time we played Barbies, my sister and I spent much time preparing. We gathered items from around the house and set up homes for our Barbies. We took the time to match them up in marriage with a Ken doll and give them children to parent. The improportionate figure and flawless beauty wasn't the focus of our play. Instead, the time we spent playing with an unrealistic doll was used in a very realistic manner.

According to Mary F. Longo of the University of Ohio Extension, "Children learn about the world and experience life through play." She says that "through play, children practice the roles they will play later in life." In thinking about it, I realized in her own way, Barbie helped prepare me for my role as a wife, mother, and a keeper of my home. The focus of my playtime with this doll was yet another way of turning my heart to what really mattered: family.

Does this mean I'm not concerned about the body image Barbie communicates and how it might affect my young daughters? Of course, I am. It's difficult enough to be female in our society without having to deal with dolls that paint a portrait of physical perfection. Yet, I don't believe Barbie should be dismissed solely on this criteria.

When my girls are old enough to play with Barbie, I see no problem in letting them do so (as long as their dolls of choice are modestly dressed). As I once did, perhaps they'll also enjoy preparing for a family of their own through play.

And, as they do play, there won't be a lack of guidance when it comes to beauty and how it relates to Barbie. I'll make sure that they know where true beauty lies: in a life spent loving and serving the Lord.

But for now, Barbie is a toy a few years away from making an appearance in our playroom. For now my girls seem much more interested in cars, trains, and tools.

Choosing Motherhood

As it is for most mothers, grocery shopping is one of the many things I do on a continual basis. It seems we’re always in need of some product, whether it’s milk, juice or some obscure ingredient like juniper berries.

On a recent shopping trip, which included both kids in tow, I found myself surveying magazine headlines as I waited in the checkout lane. As my gaze moved from headline to headline, I noticed a trend: Hollywood and motherhood. One cover in particular summed up the sentiments of all the headlines in a simple, yet thought-provoking phrase: "Motherhood now the hottest role in Hollywood."

Interesting. It’s not as if celebrity mothers is new news. For decades women in Hollywood have been having babies. Vivian Leigh, Lucille Ball, Audrey Hepburn, Doris Day, Mary Tyler Moore, Goldie Hawn, Demi Moore and Reese Witherspoon –- all moms. Yet, judging from magazines and entertainment news in general, suddenly pregnancy and babies are the latest trend in Tinseltown. It seems that in the last several years celebrity motherhood has recaptured the attention of our culture's gatekeepers -- the editors, producers and commentators -– in a way it hasn't since the feminist movement of the 1960s and 1970s first persuaded women that motherhood wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Some celebrity moms have even put their careers on hold to care for their children. Britney Spears took a short-lived hiatus to stay at home with her son, even considering this option full-time, while actress Gwyneth Paltrow commented last Spring, "With another baby on its way, I don't think I will be doing a lot for the next year or so either. Having Apple has changed everything for me. It's changed the way I see the world — I feel like it's even changed my DNA."

Being a mother isn't a financially rewarding career choice. There's no 401k, no Christmas bonuses and no pay raises. Nor does it result in public accolades, other than a mention from the pastor on Mother's Day. There are no Academy Awards given for "Greatest Number of Diaper Changes in a Given Day" or "Best Performance in the Category of Sleep-Deprivation." It’s far from glamorous. Showers aren’t guaranteed, and all clothes have the potential to become a canvas for spit-up or better yet, peanut butter and jelly fingerprints. Plain and simple: motherhood is hard work. Yet, despite this, even women who have it all desire to gain the title "Mommy."

Realistically, for many Hollywood starlets, choosing motherhood isn’t all that sacrificial. There will be nannies for the babies, housekeepers for the home and personal trainers for the unsightly tummy bulge. Most celebrity moms won’t be trying to balance husband, baby, laundry, meals and housework. Because of their financial means, they have the ability to "have it all" – fame, a successful career and motherhood.

But, for those women such as myself, who don’t have the financial means of Hollywood’s "A-list," choosing motherhood means sacrifice. It means sleep-deprivation, little or no privacy and ultimately, dying to oneself daily. For those who don’t have to work outside the home for their family to survive financially, it also means making tough decisions. Will I pursue my career? Or will I choose to stay at home and invest my time, energy and love in my children?

Trading Briefcases for Diaper Bags

Recently ABC News reported that "54 percent of mothers with a graduate or professional degree no longer work full time." According to law professor Linda Hirshman, in a February 2006 interview on Good Morning America, this decision is a dangerous one for these women, their children and society as a whole. She adamantly attacked the decision of educated women who've opted to trade in suits, brief cases and laptops for sweat pants, diaper bags and bottles. Hirshman, a working mom herself, went as far as to say, "I think it's a mistake for these highly educated and capable women to make that choice [to stay home]. I am saying an educated, competent adult's place is in the office."

It seems that many, including Hirshman, have failed to realize that motherhood is not about women finding personal fulfillment. It's not about adding a child to an already full lifestyle and expecting nothing to change. Children aren't simply another accessory added with the intention of making oneself feel good. Motherhood is about more than simply what's best for the mother.

And, perhaps what society is witnessing in this migration of women from the workplace to the home is this: Well-known and educated women have discovered what many women have already known for centuries -- motherhood offers an indescribable fulfillment that can't be found elsewhere. Something in those who've pursued education and careers to find satisfaction has whispered, "There has to be more." And, whether we know it or not, we've found that the desire for children isn’t simply a response to a ticking biological clock. Instead, having children feeds a deep God-given longing to support, nurture and bring about life.

Growing up, I always imagined myself pursuing a career first. Marriage and children were a goal to be obtained later. However, all of that changed when I met my husband while in graduate school. We married within a year of meeting and I was pregnant before our first anniversary.

Just a few months after finishing a master’s degree in film and television producing, I gave birth to our oldest daughter. While part of me felt like I was giving up a dream in not pursuing what I’d studied, I made the decision to stay at home with her. Honestly, there are times when I wonder what could've been if I'd pursued a career at this point in my life, but these thoughts are fleeting. I know that the young lives of my children are for but a season, and I want to be there for every moment of that season.

I don’t believe the interest that media are taking in Hollywood mothers, as well as the growing number of educated women leaving their full-time careers to stay home, is simply a fading trend. Instead, it speaks loudly that motherhood is a worthy calling to pursue. It reminds us that lasting fulfillment isn’t found in movies that will someday be obscure or irrelevant, in gold statues cluttering up a shelf or in the applause of fans. And it’s not found in corner offices, business trips or high power positions. Instead, it's in the unconditional love expressed in an infant’s smile. It's in the sweet utterance of the name, "Mommy." It’s in a joy that can be found in denying oneself to embrace the gift and the calling of motherhood.

For more on the Linda Hirshman interview, check out what Girl Talk and Al Mohler had to say about it back in February.